It can be both..

When you are going on a self discovery journey and untangling a dysregulated nervous system your body becomes extremely tired, every part of you shuts down because its been in survival mode for such a long time. Its in those moment of rest where the healing really takes place, the integration.

One thing i have found hard is to rest, ignoring all those little whispers about nourishing the body, to slow down, to breathe. And when i did, fuuuck did my body celebrate.

On Tuesday I witnessed something amazing unfold right in front of me, you know those moments where you literally cannot explain what just happened.

So this year i have been seeing a few practitioners to really support myself and work on my nervous system, this particular day was a therapy day doing IFS - Internal Family System ill touch more on this modality another day. I woke up hearing the words " Go all in" it kept repeating over and over, and because ive been quite shut off for sometime I ignored it. I went and did my morning coffee enema (if your not butt chugging coffee your liver and kidneys are missing out) haha

And thats when I had an almighty holy shit moment... literally... ;)

My guides/universe/source whatever you want to call it had enough of me not doing what I have been sent here to do and that is serve, leading from my heart, speaking my truth, being me.

I closed my books this year and have been questioning everything while also doing my own work and now was the time to " GO ALL IN" reopen my website and start seeing clients again.

For the last 2-3 weeks my youngest has had horrible school refusal, worse then what we have usually seen from him. Mornings have been hard and ive been leaving his school in tears every morning sobbing in the car questioning if i was causing him more harm. I would get a phone call 10ish mins after leaving and he had settled.

I had warned his OT assistant who is also a beautiful friend of mine what has been happening because she was on her way over Tuesday morning to get him for therapy at clinic.

She got here and he didn't want to go to clinic he wanted to attend school to play handball, no tears, no fuss, nothing. We both looked at each other like what the fuck is going on right now? haha

I didn't read much into it and I quickly left for my appt feeling over the moon about going all in on my business, and my youngest wanting to head off to school with no dramas

Thats when it hit me I have been doing all this work to untangle my nervous system and get it to a regulated state. Dont get me wrong I still have a long way to go, as does everyone else, we are always learning and healing.

Ive been in a functional stressed state since i was around 14, but i had a huge shift on that tuesday morning and it played out not only through me but also my son, I also had the realisation that I can still be doing this work on myself and being of service to others... IT CAN BE BOTH

As much as i have needed this year and time to really go within and do some deep healing (that will never end ) I am here ready to open myself back up, to welcome in clients new and old, friendships, deeper soul connections, and the biggest one for me.... is to be seen in the work i do!!

So I got to my appt and continued to have profound realisations and shifts, and on my way home another beautful friend msged me to say my website looked great I was like what are you talking about? I haven't published it yet I still have a few things to do before I hit live... She replied "its live sis".. haha

I pulled over, hyperventilated and sure enough my website was live.. the universe really wasn't mucking about when i heard those words " go all in" that morning.

Sarah

Xx