It was never just about rejection..

For a long time I couldn’t understand why ive craved connection so badly

Why I’d keep trying with people who had already shown me they weren’t my people

Why I’d make myself smaller just to fit in

Why being left out hurt so much

I’ve recently been having conversations around this and it finally dropped

Years ago my mum told me I didn’t belong in her family

She told me none of them wanted me

None of them loved me and a lot of other hurtful things.

At the time didn’t think oh she’s just projecting I honestly thought there must really be something wrong with me

I’ve carried  this belief that I was unlovable and that I didn’t belong. Without even realising it I spent years trying to prove those beliefs wrong

I chased connection

I over-gave in friendships

I ignored the feeling in my gut telling me these aren’t your people

having pieces of connection felt liked I belonged

I can now see how my mother wound and my abandonment wound became intertwined

One planted the belief that I wasn’t lovable, wanted, accepted

The other had me spending years trying to prove that belief wasn’t true

In the mean time I ended up abandoning myself, deep down I was terrified that if people could see me they’ll leave too

My healing around this hasn’t been about getting everyone to love me, it’s more about realising the words spoken were never the truth, they may have been her truth, but they were never mine.

So coming home to myself after spending years searching for where I belong has been so important for healing those wounds. 🥰